Humour on Freedom Plaza
by Steve Cook
You heard it here first....
The British Government announced today that it is relocating its centre of operations to Poland.
In what is considered to be the most radical shake-up of the British puppet administration since the Roman invasion, Parliament and Whitehall will take up residence next year in vacant warehousing facilities near the dockyards in Gdansk.
A source close to the Prime Minister said, "The government has decided to take a leaf out of private industry's book. With most public interfacing now being done via call centers in India and most of Britain's manufactured goods now being produced by slave labor in the Third World, it is the turn of the government to remove itself to a location as remote from the public as possible."
The move is believed to offer several advantages, not least of which is that it will enable the government to go about its business in peace and quiet. Poland is actually empty at this time, its population having upped sticks and moved to Britain to pursue a job vacancy at the Bingley Road Chef.
For the same reason, Polish property is cheap. This will slash government overheads and enable it to pour funds into its campaign to provide shoes for our soldiers in Iraq.
"By the end of next year" said our spokesman, "every British soldier serving in Iraq will probably have at least one boot if this economy measure goes through."
An opposition spokesman however poured cold water on the government's "Boots for Iraq" claim, saying: "While we believe this move to be an eminently sensible idea, the government's claim about boots is typically premature.The public are tired of wild promises. We should wait and see how much money is left after the costs of the move are factored in before we get carried away. However we do believe that the savings that can be made may offset some of the cost of the move and probably necessitate only a small tax hike to cover the remainder. This is good news for the British tax payer."
The move of administrative headquarters to Poland is but part of a broader strategy involving the subsequent relocation of all British citizens to Poland, which being a geographically larger area will offer the Brit more elbow room than he is accustomed to.
As for infrastructure, that is not believed to be a problem. After decades of Communist and post-Communist mismanagement, the Brits should feel at home with Polish infrastructure.
"Poland offers many attractive incentives for the British to move there," said our source. "Property is cheap and the country is almost devoid of foreigners."
Then, hinting at more long-term plans for Britain, he added. "Ultimately we could rename Poland "Great Britain" and rename Britain "Poland" and everything would be back to normal."
A spokesman for the opposition was scathing about the idea: "We think the suggestion is preposterous. It would be better to rename the two countries "Britand" and "Polain" respectively."
We surveyed the public on the idea of relocating the government and 93% were enthusiastic about moving the government as far away as possible. Most thought an orbiting space station would be preferable to Poland - providing the space station was orbiting Uranus. At least we THINK that's what they said...
