Humour on Freedom Plaza
by Steve Cook
This is a continuation - part three - of translations into English of transmissions from an Arcturian survey ship in Earth orbit, to its mission operations based on Arcturus IX
From: Survey ship "Look Lively"
To: Mission Ops, Arcturus IX
Subject: who is running Earth and how they are doing it, third part
[Translator’s note: the following are not my opinions but a translation as faithfully as I could manage of observations by visiting aliens of our planet. Either they have not understood us at all well or they have understood us better than we understand ourselves. Perhaps it is both.]
It has long been a tradition on Earth to put criminals in charge of the affairs of the human tribes.
Whereas most races of the Galaxy lock their criminals up, on Earth criminals - especially really rich or smartly dressed ones - are greatly admired and "given the keys to the city" (whereupon according to long custom they divest said city of its wealth) and are allowed to do what they like by the mass of people as long as they don’t bother them or force them to notice what they are doing.
Some criminals, however, appear to tire of this game and endeavor to get found out by leaving clues that even those who are trying not to see anything (known as "law enforcement agencies") are forced eventually to notice. Such criminals are then reviled by the mass of people for being so unskilled in their art as to get caught and for this they are punished by being sent to "universities of crime" so that they can learn to be better criminals and not annoy anybody by getting caught next time.
Many of the higher echelon criminals band together to form syndicates called "governments" that then do the bidding of the emperor and his enforcers, the banks and corporations.
In some countries the syndicates split into two or more departments. These departments then pretend to argue with one another, using traditional debating techniques known as "waffle" and "gobbledygook" and take it in turns to extort protection money ("tax") from the humans of their area.
The mass of humans ritually choose between each of these subsidiaries every few years in ceremonies called "elections" and argue heatedly about the differences between them, even though they are almost identical and work for the same overlord. Here again we see contradiction blindness – most people see no difference between such groups while hotly contesting the merits of one against the other or hoping the "next lot will do better than the last lot" (which they never do).
This game is called "democracy" and its purpose is to spread a mental disease to which humans are prone, called "cynicism." Cynicism has the effect of rendering them incapable of constructive thought (and smiling) and plunges them into an acquiescent apathy in which they mistake sarcastic remarks for effective action, publish satirical articles and so forth.
The humans then sit around being cynical and disgruntled about their government and blame it for ruining their lives while continuing to support it and encouraging it ("voting") to ruin their lives still further. Traditionally humans revere the government that makes them the most unhappy.
The purpose of "voting" is to appease humans by getting them to write a ritual cross in crayon on a piece of paper, whereupon they become convinced they have participated in their government and while not surrendering their right to be miserable lose interest in stringing politicians up from lamp posts, setting fire to their homes and so forth. This enables politicians to go on dismantling their civilization in perfect safety.
Evidently at some time in the past some mischievous human known, we believe, as "Plato" spread the loose idea that a "citizen should have a say in his own government" and humans have latched onto it ever since (it was probably the last entirely original idea in human political history). This has caused tremendous annoyance to all the emperors that have come and gone ever since and no amount of drugging and other devices of control (see below) have succeeded in eliminating it entirely, although in an area called "America" it has at last given way to a new concept known as "homeland security" which holds, in essence, that a citizen should obey his own government and keep his trap shut.
Much of the emperor’s activity and that of his subordinate echelons is geared to circumventing this idea of citizens’ participation by making it appear that it is being honored while actually, so to speak, spitting on it and using it as lavatory paper.
Humans are incapable of being cynical and engaging in action at the same time so the government permits or even encourages, the aforementioned sarcasm, which saves it having to quell any action and enables it to appear benign even while bringing about the untimely demise in various often sly ways of thousands of its citizens. This is known as "free speech."
We also note the existence of strange twilight entities, perhaps gods, by which the humans set great store and which they consider to wield immense power. These entities, while invoked frequently, appear reluctant to manifest themselves and are probably lying low and hoping the humans will go away and stop bothering them. The entities are referred to as "Somebodies" or "They" and one often hears them discussed or called upon by humans as in: "somebody should do something," or "somebody needs to sort this mess out," or "somebody should kick their ass." [Note: the reason for cruelty to this equine quadruped is unknown but kicking it and exhortations to kick it are widespread, especially in America.]
The primary method employed by the emperor to keep what he refers to as "the herd" in a state of acquiescence is to rob the vast majority of the power of logical thought and/or accurate information upon which to base logical thought. Humans then become easily confused and unable to recognize complete lunacy when they see it, which enables the emperor and his minions to pretty much do as they like without anyone objecting too strongly.
This is called "education" and is used from an early age to prevent humans from becoming "too smart for their own good." As an added failsafe the emperor has at his disposal a highly efficient machine for ensuring the tribes never have any real information about anything, except things that do not really matter. This is called "the press." The role of the press at the service of the banks and corporations and, through them, the imperial entity is to make sure the tribes never actually understand anything and can never verify what they sense instinctively: that they are being royally defecated upon from on high.
It is worth mentioning that the "press" has a role additional to its primary function of making sure the tribes do not know anything and this is the strategy of making them think that situations are worse than they are. The press is used to bombard the humans with bad news every moment of their waking day. This not surprisingly causes them to become depressed. Becoming depressed they become easily persuaded by the emperor’s drugs manufacturing arm to get thoroughly drugged. This enables revenue to be extracted for them in addition to regular taxation and also keeps them in a stupor that compounds the stupor created by education and the press.
Humans, being somewhat hypnotic even without being doped up, become convinced they are not very bright and need experts to interpret events for them and this has spawned a mystery priest-caste considered privy to wisdom not accessible to the rest. This caste has spawned several cults known variously as "economists," "sociologists," "psychiatrists" and so on. These mystery cults are generally considered wise and all-knowing, are rewarded with huge tributes and operate as another channel through which the corporations and banks control their regional management echelons, the "governments." The humans, in revering theses cults, completely miss the fact that Earth’s economies, societies and mental health are complete disaster areas.
On Earth, apparently, it is very easy to be revered and stood on something called a "pedestal" so that everyone can worship you and believe everything you say. Usually all this requires is to stand up and confidently announce that you know better than everyone else, wear a white coat or ritual insignia such as a "stethoscope" or leather patches on the elbow of your jacket and be in favour with (or preferably in the employ of) the public relations arms of the corporations. This immediately renders other humans unable to remember your past record or notice the skeletons in your closet.
More data follows in part four of this transmission.
To: Mission Ops, Arcturus IX
Subject: who is running Earth and how they are doing it, third part
[Translator’s note: the following are not my opinions but a translation as faithfully as I could manage of observations by visiting aliens of our planet. Either they have not understood us at all well or they have understood us better than we understand ourselves. Perhaps it is both.]
It has long been a tradition on Earth to put criminals in charge of the affairs of the human tribes.
Whereas most races of the Galaxy lock their criminals up, on Earth criminals - especially really rich or smartly dressed ones - are greatly admired and "given the keys to the city" (whereupon according to long custom they divest said city of its wealth) and are allowed to do what they like by the mass of people as long as they don’t bother them or force them to notice what they are doing.
Some criminals, however, appear to tire of this game and endeavor to get found out by leaving clues that even those who are trying not to see anything (known as "law enforcement agencies") are forced eventually to notice. Such criminals are then reviled by the mass of people for being so unskilled in their art as to get caught and for this they are punished by being sent to "universities of crime" so that they can learn to be better criminals and not annoy anybody by getting caught next time.
Many of the higher echelon criminals band together to form syndicates called "governments" that then do the bidding of the emperor and his enforcers, the banks and corporations.
In some countries the syndicates split into two or more departments. These departments then pretend to argue with one another, using traditional debating techniques known as "waffle" and "gobbledygook" and take it in turns to extort protection money ("tax") from the humans of their area.
The mass of humans ritually choose between each of these subsidiaries every few years in ceremonies called "elections" and argue heatedly about the differences between them, even though they are almost identical and work for the same overlord. Here again we see contradiction blindness – most people see no difference between such groups while hotly contesting the merits of one against the other or hoping the "next lot will do better than the last lot" (which they never do).
This game is called "democracy" and its purpose is to spread a mental disease to which humans are prone, called "cynicism." Cynicism has the effect of rendering them incapable of constructive thought (and smiling) and plunges them into an acquiescent apathy in which they mistake sarcastic remarks for effective action, publish satirical articles and so forth.
The humans then sit around being cynical and disgruntled about their government and blame it for ruining their lives while continuing to support it and encouraging it ("voting") to ruin their lives still further. Traditionally humans revere the government that makes them the most unhappy.
The purpose of "voting" is to appease humans by getting them to write a ritual cross in crayon on a piece of paper, whereupon they become convinced they have participated in their government and while not surrendering their right to be miserable lose interest in stringing politicians up from lamp posts, setting fire to their homes and so forth. This enables politicians to go on dismantling their civilization in perfect safety.
Evidently at some time in the past some mischievous human known, we believe, as "Plato" spread the loose idea that a "citizen should have a say in his own government" and humans have latched onto it ever since (it was probably the last entirely original idea in human political history). This has caused tremendous annoyance to all the emperors that have come and gone ever since and no amount of drugging and other devices of control (see below) have succeeded in eliminating it entirely, although in an area called "America" it has at last given way to a new concept known as "homeland security" which holds, in essence, that a citizen should obey his own government and keep his trap shut.
Much of the emperor’s activity and that of his subordinate echelons is geared to circumventing this idea of citizens’ participation by making it appear that it is being honored while actually, so to speak, spitting on it and using it as lavatory paper.
Humans are incapable of being cynical and engaging in action at the same time so the government permits or even encourages, the aforementioned sarcasm, which saves it having to quell any action and enables it to appear benign even while bringing about the untimely demise in various often sly ways of thousands of its citizens. This is known as "free speech."
We also note the existence of strange twilight entities, perhaps gods, by which the humans set great store and which they consider to wield immense power. These entities, while invoked frequently, appear reluctant to manifest themselves and are probably lying low and hoping the humans will go away and stop bothering them. The entities are referred to as "Somebodies" or "They" and one often hears them discussed or called upon by humans as in: "somebody should do something," or "somebody needs to sort this mess out," or "somebody should kick their ass." [Note: the reason for cruelty to this equine quadruped is unknown but kicking it and exhortations to kick it are widespread, especially in America.]
The primary method employed by the emperor to keep what he refers to as "the herd" in a state of acquiescence is to rob the vast majority of the power of logical thought and/or accurate information upon which to base logical thought. Humans then become easily confused and unable to recognize complete lunacy when they see it, which enables the emperor and his minions to pretty much do as they like without anyone objecting too strongly.
This is called "education" and is used from an early age to prevent humans from becoming "too smart for their own good." As an added failsafe the emperor has at his disposal a highly efficient machine for ensuring the tribes never have any real information about anything, except things that do not really matter. This is called "the press." The role of the press at the service of the banks and corporations and, through them, the imperial entity is to make sure the tribes never actually understand anything and can never verify what they sense instinctively: that they are being royally defecated upon from on high.
It is worth mentioning that the "press" has a role additional to its primary function of making sure the tribes do not know anything and this is the strategy of making them think that situations are worse than they are. The press is used to bombard the humans with bad news every moment of their waking day. This not surprisingly causes them to become depressed. Becoming depressed they become easily persuaded by the emperor’s drugs manufacturing arm to get thoroughly drugged. This enables revenue to be extracted for them in addition to regular taxation and also keeps them in a stupor that compounds the stupor created by education and the press.
Humans, being somewhat hypnotic even without being doped up, become convinced they are not very bright and need experts to interpret events for them and this has spawned a mystery priest-caste considered privy to wisdom not accessible to the rest. This caste has spawned several cults known variously as "economists," "sociologists," "psychiatrists" and so on. These mystery cults are generally considered wise and all-knowing, are rewarded with huge tributes and operate as another channel through which the corporations and banks control their regional management echelons, the "governments." The humans, in revering theses cults, completely miss the fact that Earth’s economies, societies and mental health are complete disaster areas.
On Earth, apparently, it is very easy to be revered and stood on something called a "pedestal" so that everyone can worship you and believe everything you say. Usually all this requires is to stand up and confidently announce that you know better than everyone else, wear a white coat or ritual insignia such as a "stethoscope" or leather patches on the elbow of your jacket and be in favour with (or preferably in the employ of) the public relations arms of the corporations. This immediately renders other humans unable to remember your past record or notice the skeletons in your closet.
More data follows in part four of this transmission.
