Humour on Freedom Plaza
by Steve Cook
This article is a translation of the latest intercepted report from an orbiting Arcturan survey ship, whose name loosely translates as "Look Lively," to its Mission Operations centre on Arcturus IX. As you can see from the translation, the views expressed are unspeakably alien
Humans at this time are running their affairs using a tradition known as "Anarchy" both at inter- and intra-tribal levels.
Anarchy is a condition in which there is no law and order, no morality, no leadership and no sense of direction, a modus operandi that has been much favoured by humans for thousands of years.
Occasionally renegade humans appear on the scene and try to destroy Anarchy and introduce an orderly state of affairs. This is considered by many an effort to spoil all their fun and make Earth a boring place to live and the culprits are usually seized by the mob (which tends to despise people acting in the best interests of its members) and nailed to things, or deprived of their heads and other fairly important organs and so forth. For the worst and most dangerous offenders is reserved the cruellest fate of all, a torture known as "slagging off in the press."
In the Anarchy system, those with the most money, the biggest gang and the biggest hired guns (both figurative and literal) manage to intimidate everybody else into letting them do anything they like. To achieve this they use various terror tactics such as income tax, newspapers, psychiatry and "economics."
As mentioned earlier, an ingenious mass control mechanism unknown anywhere else in the Galaxy, on account of it being too stupid, is used by Earth's master-criminals to keep all other humans quiet. This is called "drugging."
Drugging is a process by which criminal gangs (known as "pharmaceutical corporations") persuade other humans to imbibe chemicals that will a) make them sick and/or b) turn them into zombies. Sometimes the drugs actually kill them but they don't seem to mind that too much.
Thus, these elite gangs of master criminals are able to subjugate other humans and acquire unto themselves all the best real estate, females, transportation vehicles, electrified fences, fallout shelters and so forth. This nullification and subjugation of humans brings about a pseudo-order or suppressed anarchy often referred to, oxymoronically, as "organized chaos."
This organized chaos creates an appearance that fools many humans into thinking they have government and order. Humans as a general rule tend to believe something if they are told it by somebody else, especially if told by someone who is untrustworthy such as a politician or newspaper, so if someone mentions the word "government" a few times, humans will believe one must exist somewhere.
To further reinforce this illusion, the criminal masterminds select various strategically placed high crime areas as their base of operations and give them names such as "Capitol Hill" and "Parliament." This has fooled almost everybody on the planet, so humans have for centuries believed they have government despite the mass of evidence - the persistence of chaos, the murder of innocents, international gun-slinging and other flagrantly anarchic shenanigans - to the contrary.
Despite the human susceptibility to contradiction blindness covered in an earlier report (and of which this is another example) increasing numbers of humans find this particular contradiction a little bit too glaring even for them.
This may be due at least in part to a unique human ability. Evidently non-survival situations produce an unpleasant odour that many humans are able to detect and one often hears humans remark:
"Democracy? This stinks!"
"Something stinks in Washington/Whitehall/Brussels/Beijing..." etc
Earth at this time is a particularly malodorous place to live if the consensus of ordinary humans is to be believed.
Possibly an evolutionary throw-back, this olfactory capability is rarely accompanied by an ability to analyse or trace to source the unpleasant smells detected and so humans become even more confused or fed up.
Many, out of desperation or "weary of the entire freekin' mess," turn to the pharmaceutical corporations and ask them to drug them so as to a.) make then unwell and/or b.) turn them into zombies.
The pharmaceutical corporations readily help them out- for a large fee. Sometimes they kill them as well but at no extra charge.
As to how anything on Earth actually gets done or how anything runs at all is something of a mystery and we are still investigating...
Transmission Ends.
Humans at this time are running their affairs using a tradition known as "Anarchy" both at inter- and intra-tribal levels.
Anarchy is a condition in which there is no law and order, no morality, no leadership and no sense of direction, a modus operandi that has been much favoured by humans for thousands of years.
Occasionally renegade humans appear on the scene and try to destroy Anarchy and introduce an orderly state of affairs. This is considered by many an effort to spoil all their fun and make Earth a boring place to live and the culprits are usually seized by the mob (which tends to despise people acting in the best interests of its members) and nailed to things, or deprived of their heads and other fairly important organs and so forth. For the worst and most dangerous offenders is reserved the cruellest fate of all, a torture known as "slagging off in the press."
In the Anarchy system, those with the most money, the biggest gang and the biggest hired guns (both figurative and literal) manage to intimidate everybody else into letting them do anything they like. To achieve this they use various terror tactics such as income tax, newspapers, psychiatry and "economics."
As mentioned earlier, an ingenious mass control mechanism unknown anywhere else in the Galaxy, on account of it being too stupid, is used by Earth's master-criminals to keep all other humans quiet. This is called "drugging."
Drugging is a process by which criminal gangs (known as "pharmaceutical corporations") persuade other humans to imbibe chemicals that will a) make them sick and/or b) turn them into zombies. Sometimes the drugs actually kill them but they don't seem to mind that too much.
Thus, these elite gangs of master criminals are able to subjugate other humans and acquire unto themselves all the best real estate, females, transportation vehicles, electrified fences, fallout shelters and so forth. This nullification and subjugation of humans brings about a pseudo-order or suppressed anarchy often referred to, oxymoronically, as "organized chaos."
This organized chaos creates an appearance that fools many humans into thinking they have government and order. Humans as a general rule tend to believe something if they are told it by somebody else, especially if told by someone who is untrustworthy such as a politician or newspaper, so if someone mentions the word "government" a few times, humans will believe one must exist somewhere.
To further reinforce this illusion, the criminal masterminds select various strategically placed high crime areas as their base of operations and give them names such as "Capitol Hill" and "Parliament." This has fooled almost everybody on the planet, so humans have for centuries believed they have government despite the mass of evidence - the persistence of chaos, the murder of innocents, international gun-slinging and other flagrantly anarchic shenanigans - to the contrary.
Despite the human susceptibility to contradiction blindness covered in an earlier report (and of which this is another example) increasing numbers of humans find this particular contradiction a little bit too glaring even for them.
This may be due at least in part to a unique human ability. Evidently non-survival situations produce an unpleasant odour that many humans are able to detect and one often hears humans remark:
"Democracy? This stinks!"
"Something stinks in Washington/Whitehall/Brussels/Beijing..." etc
Earth at this time is a particularly malodorous place to live if the consensus of ordinary humans is to be believed.
Possibly an evolutionary throw-back, this olfactory capability is rarely accompanied by an ability to analyse or trace to source the unpleasant smells detected and so humans become even more confused or fed up.
Many, out of desperation or "weary of the entire freekin' mess," turn to the pharmaceutical corporations and ask them to drug them so as to a.) make then unwell and/or b.) turn them into zombies.
The pharmaceutical corporations readily help them out- for a large fee. Sometimes they kill them as well but at no extra charge.
As to how anything on Earth actually gets done or how anything runs at all is something of a mystery and we are still investigating...
Transmission Ends.
